All you need is love...

I just want to be in a storybook. If I was, by this time I would have discovered a magical land inside my closet and would not have to give a ten minute presentation on Wednesday. Did I mention I hate public speaking?

(I've got to get over that.)

This is the time of year in which I become insanely nostalgic for a place I've never been and will most likely never go to. But you never know--Narnia could be right around the corner...

Peace Corps?
Teach for America?
Law School?
IJM?
NAACP?
UN?
President? (just kidding on that one)

I'm sorry that you had to see death.
I'm sorry that you had to hold a gun.
I'm sorry you had to shoot that gun.
I'm sorry if you were drafted and went to war without a desire to.
I'm sorry if you signed up willingly.
I'm sorry if someone told you violence is sometimes necessary.
I'm sorry if someone told you the battle we fight is a physical one.
I'm sorry if someone told you "love your enemies" should not apply to war situations.
I'm sorry that war exists.
I'm thankful for your desire to protect your fellow citizens (I just can't agree with the means).
I'm thankful for your passion.
I'm thankful for your desire to liberate.
I pray that the cycle of violence will end.
I pray that war will end and there will be peace.
I pray that in every thought and deed, you and I will seek peace.
I pray that we will focus on bringing a Heavenly Kingdom with true freedom, and not an earthly one with just parts of that freedom.

"Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him."
--Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let peace be evident in all aspects of life.

I NEVER EVER cry, so when I do, something is obviously up. And I'm crying right now.

Too many things are changing. My childhood home will be sold and replaced by an unfamiliar house. My sisters and I are growing up and soon will come the day when we will never step foot into the house we played train, Little Women, and Star Wars in. We'll never be able to walk around the block at Christmas time and look at all the lights. We won't be able to cuddle all together in our old rooms. Who knows if we'll be living in the same state in the next few years.

I've always been a nostalgic person, and now I wish I wasn't. It's painful to be nostalgic.

On Sunday night, I re-read almost all of my prior LiveJournal entries. How did I get this bored? I wasn't bored, just procrastinating. Anyways, I'm still debating whether this was a good idea or not because it has brought me into an interesting emotional/intellectual state where I have become very confused about who I am, my identity, blah, blah, blah.  Looking back at my freshman year-self has made me realize that people do change over a two-year period, and not always for the better. Don't get me wrong, I think I have definitely matured in numerous areas of my life, but there are some parts of me that I have lost that I wish I hadn't.

This Christmas break I hope to re-discover the parts of me I left in my freshman year dorm room.
Just not all the hair and dust that accumulated throughout the year.

I can't really take the excitement I am feeling right now. It's November 1st, and so I'm listening to old-fashioned, jazzy Christmas music on Pandora while writing a paper and intermittently doing random hand-dances when particularly wonderful songs come on.

CHRISTMAS. CHRISTMAS. CHRISTMAS.

I had a very good day today--with an extra boost in cool weather. I went to a farmers' market in this surreal residential area that looks like something out of Disney World. Then I sat outside the Catholic Worker House downtown chatting with friends for a while. Biked home. Made cous-cous, and now I'm waiting for a ride to go play games at someone's house. (while drinking Earl Grey tea.)

We've all had crushes on someone that we've never voiced to that person or shown any outward sign of.  And so that makes me wonder if I've ever been that person for someone else.  My initial response is no, but statistically speaking this probably isn't true. There are quite a lot of people in the world, and each may have their eye on one or a bunch of people. I find it very strange that someone might "have their eye on me" and I have no idea. It's crazy how much thought goes on in people's heads that will never actually leave their head.

What if a person I have my eye on has their eye on me? As much as I would like this to be the case, statistically speaking this probably isn't true. And even if it was, if nothing is voiced then it has no importance.

Think about how much goes on in your head, and then think about the fact that their are billions of people on the planet that have just as much going on.

The earth is screaming with the sound of thoughts, and yet we can only hear our own.

I don't know what made me think of this, but it's very interesting, isn't it?

Master's is the new Bachelor's.
Every job wants you to go to grad school.
I'm not reaching my full potential if I don't go to grad school.
I need to prove myself by continuing my formal education.

LIES.

I realized something today. I don't think I'm supposed to go to grad school.

Wait, what?

Yeah I said that. Super ambitious Gloria of the past is gone. I don't think I'm going to get a master's degree. I'll probably be the only of my sisters who doesn't. The "smart one" of the family will be academically surpassed by the rest.
And I'm fine with that. I'd much rather pass on the title of the "smart one". (I'm not smarter, I just tried too hard in high school.)

Why did I come to this conclusion? I'm not really sure. I guess I just realized I can do good in this world without paying to validate my ego with a degree that isn't really necessary.

Don't get me wrong, I love learning. Maybe I'll take classes in the future. But as of right now, I have no idea what I'm going to do after undergrad, so why would I start a degree for a career I'm not sure about? I'll get a job somewhere. Maybe join the Peace Corps or Teach for America. Or maybe I'll join some missions/social justice organization. Maybe I'll get a job where I can help the homeless or prisoners. Who knows. Life is quite the adventure. And I'm glad I'm learning to realize this.

I don't get the obsession with gameday. Why are people so happy to put others to shame?

Humans just have a knack for wanting to be better than other humans.

I'm coming to find that Jesus really was crazy. What he taught not only goes against our culture of capitalism and consumerism, but against every other culture as well (and I can say this with some authority being an Anthropology major).

Who would ever say, after being slapped in the face, "go ahead and slap the other cheek"?

Did you really mean that, Jesus? You want us to go against our culture THAT much?

Human logic is put to shame by the pacifism (not to be confused with passive-ism) of our God.

Conversations about difficult topics with people who have the same doubts as you = feeling like God is so much more than anyone could ever imagine.

Once you start thinking outside the box, it doesn't stop. And it's wonderful.

One more day and then I'm getting on a plane to Rwanda.




And I'll be there for 2 and a half months.



I still don't believe it. But I will when I get there.

In the past few days I have realized:

I'm a hypochondriac.
I don't like being sick.
I hardly ever get sick, so when I do, I freak out a little.
This cough has lasted extra long though; part of me is still convinced I'm dying.
But at least I'm actually coughing up phlegm now and not just hacking pointlessly.
I watch too much tv when I don't want to study.
All of this tv is online, and it's all Friends.
Studying is difficult when you feel like you're dying.
And yet, studying is very important during finals.
Therefore, this is the worst time of the year to be sick. Go me.

This whole not seeing people for 3 months thing...

...yeah, not a fan.

My sister is getting married.

I felt like the following quote best sums up my feelings:

"Rex: What?! We're being replaced?!
Woody: Hey, what did I tell you earlier? No one is getting replaced. Now, let's all be polite and give whatever it is up there a nice, big, Andy's-room welcome."
--Toy Story

Are you aware that the sprinklers are running in the rain?
Are you aware that the air conditioning setting in the bathrooms is somewhere around 50 degrees?
Are you aware that these things like watering in the rain and keeping bathrooms cold are unnecessary?
Are you aware that keeping faculty members is necessary?
Are you aware that I don't believe you when you say firing my Swahili teacher is necessary?
Are you aware that firing people in the name of budget cuts doesn't justify it?
Are you aware that you could cut the administrations puffed up salaries?
Are you aware that you don't really care about the Gator nation being everywhere--only in rich countries?

Do you ever have those moments when you look back and think, "What the hell? Did I actually just think that? Did those words just formulate in my mind?!"

Yeah, not a fan of myself sometimes.

I am sitting in my apartment very bored and very frustrated at the minimal Saturday bus service. Not having a car really sucks. I feel like I'm stuck in my apartment--because I am stuck in my apartment.